Surgeon Report 5 – I kid you not

No kid pictures. Goat will have to do.

Most of my post-procedure symptoms lasted quite some time. It made me worry but fortunately I got a call from Webster’s Dictionary's secretary. We had a long chat and told her all my problems (although some had since resolved themselves.

Webmaster himself called shortly after to answer my questions. 

Re weeing like a severed artery at a crime scene 

He said this is quite normal, to be expected and looks far worse than it is. He said it could continue indefinitely until removal (my kidney, not my willy) or could taper off (the bleeding, not my willy).

The good news is that my wee is now like a good oil painting; mainly water-based, but with evidence of rust. Perhaps he left an old pair of scissors inside me during the first procedure? 

What exactly do I have? 

I have Transitional Cell Carcinoma (TCC). By definition, this is cancer of the lining of the urinary tract. The Thing is also, by definition, a tumour, in that it is a tissue growth that should not really be there. Fortunately a soft tissue growth, as opposed to a hard one, which is a good sign! 

Strength 

I am at a GRADE 2 Intermediate stage. Not as good as a Grade 1, but it could be a whole lot worse. Much, much worse according to him!

The GRADE is what is determined under a microscope, just by having a look-see. Perhaps they count tentacles?

They cannot tell what STAGE it is at until the kidney is removed and properly analysed. The biopsy sample is not suitable for this purpose.

The STAGE tells how far along it has developed in terms of laying down roots in the surrounding tissue.

It is therefore good news that it is a floaty sea weedy thing in the liquid which means it is less likely to have laid a solid foundation, something that would have been more likely had it been in the tissue part. 

Benign or Malignant 

Irrelevant, really

Benign just means that it is there, sitting around uselessly, taking up space and being annoying; basically, your average Member of Parliament.

Malignant means it has the ability to spread, so, by definition, what I have is malignant as it can grow and spread.

All previous scans have not shown any abnormalities apart from what has already been identified in my kidney. 

Other 

Further good news is that my cytology results all came back negative. This means that The Thing is either not shedding cells, or is shedding very small amounts or cells with very low levels of annoyance factor / carcinogens / bad 'uns.

After the lady visitor had left my office, I asked him how safe my penis was, vis a vis him having potentially scratched/cut/damaged the pipe work (piep work?) en route to the kidney and then having potentially dangerous cells passing over these open cuts on their journey to the porcelain. He said this was not a problem at all; and even less so based on the cytology reports.

It is clinically normal to separate the biopsy from the removal and space them apart; had the subsequent spread of cells across damaged skin or tissue been a problem, they would not operate (so to speak) in this way.

He also confirmed that had it been necessary to act more quickly (rather than wait the ten days) he would not have given me the option of date or surgeon; he said he would simply have made the necessary arrangements to do it earlier himself or get another surgeon to do it. My opinions or feelings on the subject would not have been taken into account; rather it would have been a clinical decision.

Now we wait.